But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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