and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
