I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
