It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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