I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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