my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
