the condom got lost in my hair
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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