I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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