I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
