...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
