My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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