Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
