We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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