I think i peed on brittanys purse
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
