so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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