it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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