FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
