hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize