Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
