you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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