I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
