youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
