You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
