drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
