I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
