i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
