sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
