Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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