my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
