i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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