why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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