Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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