I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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