so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
