I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
