Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize