i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
