Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This is not my ceiling
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
