My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
