Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
