she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
