Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have demons in me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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