I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
