Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he thought i was a dude.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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