we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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