So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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