with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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