what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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