i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
