why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
