We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
