insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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