I wanna passion pit in your ass
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
