You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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