I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
