maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
