it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
