i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
