you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
