If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
