I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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