When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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