batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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