Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
