i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
