Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
