Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
