I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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