So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
