oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
