Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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