I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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