you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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