we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
