i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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