Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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