Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
