god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize