i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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