every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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