Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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