maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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