They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you win again, gameday.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
