i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
