its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
