I just pynch a tree in the face
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
