Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
