She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
